Hosted by The Broke and the Bookish
Every book needs a fabulous villain – but I think some of them could benefit from having sassy, fluffy, spectacular sidekicks to really kick up their EPICNESS.*
* Note: this is about to get ridiculous and is not meant to be taken seriously AT ALL 😀
Smaug from the Hobbit
Smaug is one of my favorite dragon villains of EVER, but what is he missing in his gold-hoarding, dwarf-eating, town-destroying life? A bunny. In particular, a white bunny named Sparkles who is OCD about cleaning all the gold, loves throwing gems at Smaug when he gets cranky (which realistically is ALL DAY, EVERY DAY), eats the mushrooms growing in the dilapidated fortress (leading to some interesting hallucinations), and speaks/reads 3 languages (because he’s a smart bunny ˆ.ˆ).
The Darkling from the Grisha Trilogy
I’ve only read the first book in the Grisha series, but I vividly remember The Darkling. He’s a smooth operator who you don’t realize is the evilest of evil until you’ve already fallen under his spell! But, he is missing something important. A squirrel. A regular, brown forest squirrel who is the opposite of a Grisha amplifier – a nullifier named Muffins. The Darkling isn’t particularly fond of Muffins, but since he can’t use his awesome powers of darkness on the poor dear (nor can anyone else), and since Muffins is talented at escaping slow humans bent on capturing him, the Darkling can’t seem to get rid of his new “pet.” Muffins loves eating his namesake, nesting in the Darklings unmentionables, and painting the Darkling’s fingernails neon colors (usually pink) while he sleeps.
Voldemort from Harry Potter
“But wait!? Doesn’t Voldemort already have the Basilisk as a pet?” Nope. Not fluffy enough!! 🙂 Voldemort’s campaign of darkness needs a cute mascot to lull the unsuspecting masses to flock to brainwashing lessons. Cue the entrance of Pumpernickel the Penguin. Pumpernickel is always dressed to the nines with his tuxedo mask, but his fish-scented breath is laced with a toxic venom that has the odd habit of vaporizing Voldemort’s shoes. Obsessed with sitting on anything that is round, his favorite place to sleep is on Voldemort’s head, but if Voldemort tries to push him off, Pumpkernickel fluffs out his razorsharp feathers and pokes his owner until he relents and they all settle back down to sleep.
Holland from A Darker Shade of Magic
Holland is not the sole villain of A Darker Shade of Magic (frankly, not even the baddest of the bunch); however, he is desperately lonely – thus, I had to include him in this list! He gets the most obviously dangerous of today’s fluffy companions because nothing that even appears weak could survive White London for long. Star is a white wolf with swirly gray markings where his fur hasn’t been faded by the life-draining existence of White London. Prone to narcolepsy, Star deigns to wear a collar that activates into a magical shell that protects him when he’s unconscious. When awake though, he has quite the temper and likes to sharpen his nails on anything marked with magical runes (including Holland).
Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows
Kaz has a secret that not even Inej knows – he has a pet duck named Pixie. Pixie was saved as a duckling from stray dogs by Kaz’s older brother right before his brother died. Guilt and revenge-driven, Kaz trained Pixie to be a pirate/thief, boarding ships in Ketterdam harbor at night and looting anything with the mark of his sworn enemy (the most powerful villain in Ketterdam). However, Pixie is a duck and not particularly fond of following orders, only handing over half of her loot to Kaz while building her own island of shiny things out on the harbor’s edge. Prone to stealing Kaz’s gloves off his hands and then flying away, she knows to stay out of reach when she’s crossed a line (which she does frequently).
Professor Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes
Moriarty from the BBC show has big gorgeous eyes, just like his chinchilla Frodo (because he has a weakness for LOTR). Frodo has a special floor in Moriarty’s top secret residence outfitted to look like a Peruvian mountain, complete with caves and pumice dust (for him to roll around in). Moriarty likes to visit and pet Frodo while concocting his next evil plan, but Frodo prefers hiding when his owner is present and plotting his next method for taking over the world (CUE Pinkie and the Brain music). If caught, he shakes pumice dust into Moriarty’s eyes and if that fails, bites him. He is currently working on tunneling into the air conditioning system for a secret escape plan. 😉
The Skull from Lockwood & Co.
If you haven’t read Lockwood & Co by Stroud, YOU NEED TO GO READ IT NOW!! I’ll wait. Welcome back 🙂 The skull in Lockwood & Co only speaks to Lucy, so theoretically, he could view her as his pet, but he really needs his own black cat to mind the jar he is stuck in. The skull likes to mess with Lucy’s mind, telling her one thing is true but leaving out part of the truth or just lying completely. Angel, his cat, doesn’t let him get away with it. Her favorite game is rolling the skull’s jar in between her paws and play pouncing on him. If he starts lying, she howls like a banshee and rolls his jar into a closet, to be left there until he makes the plasma in his jar light up…. then it’s back to play pouncing!
Mr. Wickham from Pride & Prejudice
Wickham and the Darkling have a couple things in common, but the first and foremost is that neither like their fluffy companions. While out on a walk one day, Wickham passed a field filled with goats and one old billy decided to follow the sweet-smelling and be-ribboned man home. (Those ribbons looked tasty!). NO, as he came to call himself based on the human’s frequently said words, learned to meander through town before jumping through the window into Wickham’s lodgings and having breakfast/lunch/dinner out of the man’s wardrobe. Whenever the human returned home, NO would greet him with a love ram with his small horns then take his meal to go (as he quickly learned the human thought he should eat much less). NO has devotedly sought out his human even when Wickham travels to another town or county.
Artemis Fowl from his own series
Artemis Fowl is a criminal mastermind who learns about and tries to enforce his will on the Fae, but maybe he should refocus his attention on curbing the trespassing antics of his pet deer, Tickles. Tickles likes hats. All hats. Including things that are not hats. Dwarves axes? Hat. Trolls’ tooth picks? Hats. Flower pots from the curmudgeon neighbor that keeps trying to break through Artemis’ high tech security system? HATS. Tickles then likes to pose for any camera within a mile, including Fae surveillance. If he wants to be taken seriously as a criminal mastermind by Holly and her crew, then he needs to talk to Tickles about going to HSA, Hat Stealers Anonymous.
I couldn’t make up my mind about a tenth evil villain – what villain do you think needs a sassy/fluffy evil companion?